Many of us have had our hearts broken into several pieces, and sometimes it feels as if it can never be repaired. I remember my first real heart break, and how it felt as if my heart was literally aching, and all I could feel was pain. It is during these times that you wonder if you can even make it through, and if you can ever bring yourself to smile again. Trust me when I tell you that your heart will heal, and you will live to tell the story one day to your grandchildren, as you support them through their first heart break.
So, you ask what are the steps to overcoming a heart ache or bad break up. In this Blog, we will discuss some steps that will help you to heal your broken heart, and restore that beautiful smile.
Accept the Fact that the Break- Up has happened
If your significant other has decided that they no longer desire to be in a relationship with you, you must accept it, and begin the process of healing. You cannot force anyone to be in a relationship with you, and besides you deserve somebody who wants you, and treats you like the amazing person that you are. Don’t be a stalker and continue to call them and force yourself on them, because it is not healthy for you, and is driving them further away. You must come to grips with the fact that they have decided that things are over, and begin to move on. Besides the sooner you heal from this break up the sooner you can find someone amazing who will treasure you as the jewel that you are.
Allow yourself to feel the pain and Cry through It
Let’s be honest a broken heart is one of the most painful things you may ever experience in life, right next to the death of a loved one. In fact, losing someone you love can feel like a death, and there is a grieving process that you must go through to recover from a broken heart. You must allow yourself to feel the pain, and give yourself permission to cry uncontrollable if you need to. Crying releases stress, anger and hurt, and remove toxins from your body. When you cry you feel better, and it can restore your peace and emotions. So, give yourself permission to cry all you want. To get over the pain then you will need to allow yourself the opportunity to feel the pain, process the pain and then release it. Pain is a part of the human life cycle, but it doesn’t have to become your whole existence and life story. Allow yourself to feel the pain, so that you can heal from it.
Find someone you trust to Confide In/ or talk to a Coach or Counselor
Communication is one of the quickest ways to heal from a broken heart. When you communicate how you feel you allow yourself the opportunity to acknowledge the situation, admit that you are hurt, and allow the healing to begin. Communication will help you work through any bad thoughts, or feelings that you have created about yourself through the break up. Communication also helps you to identify any mistakes that you could have made in the relationship, and it could help you to overcome them for you next relationship. Remember that one break up is not the end of the world, and with communication you can process your thoughts and feelings in a productive and healthy manner. The best way to communicate and process your feelings is with a counselor or coach. A professional can assist you in providing the tools you need to move past your break up, and direct you to a better future. If you don’t communicate your feelings, they will never resolve themselves, and you can become bitter and unpleasant to be around. Do yourself a favor and find someone you trust to confide in, you will be glad that you did.
Welcome and Embrace your Healing
To get over a bad break up you will have to admit that you need to be healed. Once you admit it, then you can begin the process of healing. Allow yourself time to heal, as everyone’s need is different. Do not base your healing process on someone’s else ability to heal and move on faster than you. However, true healing takes place when you admit how you are feeling, allow yourself the opportunity to feel the pain, and give yourself permission to move forward with your life. You must address your emotions to ensure that you don’t move into a place of depression, which can be harder to get over. You must heal so that you don’t take any unresolved issues into a new relationship. There is nothing worst then trying to start a new relationship with old issues still surfacing. Healing is important in the getting over a bad break up, so you can be emotionally healthy for the next relationship.
Occupy Your Time and stay busy
During a break-up, it is important to keep your mind occupied and busy. Sometimes the more you think about the break up the sadder or more depressed you can become. So make sure you keep doing the things that you enjoy. Never let your mind idle for it can lead to negative thoughts about yourself and decrease your value.
Reward yourself for everyday that you make it without hurting or crying
Every day that you manage to not cry reward yourself with something special. A small treat symbolizes that you acknowledge the fact that you are overcoming your broken heart daily. It can be something as small as ice cream, or as a big as a new outfit, but whatever it is ensure that you are acknowledging your growth and healing.
You have often heard that forgiveness is for you and not for the other person, well this is indeed true. Once you let go of the hurt, pain, and bitterness then you are ready for a new relationship. You must accept that the relationship was not meant to be, and it is okay because it means that there is someone better out there for you. Embrace forgiveness so that you can move forward and love again. You will not benefit for storing pain and bitterness, it will only make you bitter and unattractive to someone else. Forgive because it makes you a better person who has find themselves in a better place.
Admit your faults and Failures
As you begin to forgive, you may begin to see some areas that you need to improve before you begin another relationship. Take this time and resolve any unhealthy habits, and faults that you may have. Maybe you should see a coach or counselor to help you resolve these issues depending on how extreme they are. Read some great self-help books that focus on healing, forgiveness, and purpose. Admit your faults so you can heal and become a better person for the next lover in your life.
Open yourself back up to Love Again
After you have healed, forgiven, and changed some of your unhealthy habits then you are ready for love again. Open yourself back up to the possibility of loving and being loved. Just because you had one bad break up, it doesn’t mean that your true love is not somewhere waiting for you to come along. Remember to flirt a little, date a little and be cautious of the red flags. Sometimes we over-look the red flags, but if you say that a behavior or habit is a deal breaker for you, then don’t change your mind simply because your heart doesn’t want to let go. Signs that you are healthy enough to date again comes from your ability to know what you desire in a partner, and not deter from it. Be open to love, but also remember that a broken heart is something that takes time to recover from. So, love but don’t forget to love yourself first.
Rachquel Jackson, MSW M Div.